I need to brainwash myself. To let go of every bad thought, all of the negative activity. I need to learn how to embrace everything positive around me.
Everything I said before, scratch that. I was wrong. I confused reality with imagination.
Tonight I finally revealed a part of me that I thought I had locked away.
Now, all I can do is wait until enough trust is gained back into our friendship so he can open up to me as well. I’ll wait. However tonight… one text, one sentence opened up my eyes. It had me rereading every text sent and received today. Something was different. The tones of each text were different. Maybe I didn’t look close enough before. Maybe I’m not the only one that cares about this friendship. It wasn’t meant to be broken. To fall apart. It was meant to have a meaning of it’s own. A reflection of two people and their own inner struggles to figure out what it means.
What I learned tonight is if you don’t want to be read why put so much work into hiding how you feel about a situation? Simple, unneeded words. The words I looked past before. Maybe they meant something more than what they were intended to mean.
Maybe this situation means more than what it was even intended to be. Who knew something that was once so insignificant could suddenly become so necessary, like air to breathe. He was my oxygen and I was his carbon dioxide. As he pushed away, I pulled closer.
That is until tonight…. my perspective towards him and how he felt were different this time. Unique to everything I thought before. Unknown but to soon be discovered.
What I really don’t understand is why individuals feel the need to know the latest gossip. The “he” said, “she” said. I just don’t see the point. Better yet, why gossip to begin with? Does it make you feel superior? Better than those you knock down? Does it make you feel better knowing that the spotlight is on others mistakes or their flaws instead of yours? What they don’t realize is that what you say, reflects on you not the person that’s being talked about.